Making plans

I went to the barn today to work on transitions with Lakota. Since our little speed control problem on the cattle drive, I figured we should practice lope to trot, trot to walk, walk to lope, lope to stop - you know. Work on the brake system. I took her to the arena and mounted and after a couple minutes pushed her into a trot. She would have none of that. Lakota was throwing a fit. She hadnt been let out on grass for several days and that's all she could think about. We had worked on circling and softening in the arena the night before and she hadnt had her usual grass treat after. I had upset her routine. I one rein stopped her and dismounted. I grabbed a lunge rope and whip and quickly returned to transitions from the ground. I decided to use two line and work on driving or long lining. Stacia had worked Lakota through some attitude issues in this manner but I had never tried it. She immediately framed up and softened. Up to the trot, up to the lope, down to a walk. Ok now I had her going willingly...let's try the water.

I took her out to the back pasture where the road was flooded and the pasture was mucky. Perfect. Just the conditions that scared her. I could use the long lines from behind,  through her stirrups, up to her bridle and clipped to her bit. She saw the water from way off and halted. I let her relax and eat some grass along the roadway. I moved  her forward a few steps at a time, speaking reassuringly and letting her relax closer and closer. It was a sunny Saturday and I had all the time in the world. The flooded road was at least 100 yards of dark water so I decided to take her across sideways to start. This way she only had to cross about 6-8 ft of water and muck before landing in a patch of grass. I didnt let her escape either direction but just stand straight facing the water. I was calm and encouraging. It didnt take 20 minutes before she was crossing back and forth over the 8 ft section. Once she had that conquered, I turned her upstream and had her walk right down the deep part of the road lengthwise. She was great. The far end had a more boggy bottom and was another 10 minute exercise to cross. Each time she got her courage up and faced her fear, I let her have some grass.  We walked up and down this mucky road for about 30 minutes. I unhooked the lines and jumped back on her. Having a rider on board would be a different sensation. I was pleased that only after a minor hesitation did she splash and play and trot down the water filled road like a champ. I wish there had been someone to take a photo; it would have been pretty to see  her splashing through that water. We were both happy and having fun at the end of this lesson.

So now the relationship analogy. I was not prepared to be working in the water. I had my cowboy boots and jeans on for riding. My plan for the day was to work on transitions in the arena. At the end of this lesson I was mud and water up to my knees. My boots were soaked through, my jeans were 6" longer and filthy.

Sometimes you just have to be willing to shift gears in a heart beat. What if we have plans to go fishing or go to a game and we see that our partner needs help from us? What if our partner begins to tell us something that really needs more time and attention then we were planning? Are we able to switch our plans quickly and adapt to the moment for the benefit of our relationship? We dont want to rush our mate through a conversation because we wanted to do something else. It's good for us in the long run to change gears and put the time  in when the iron is hot - so to speak. With Lakota, I took advantage of a teachable moment. I was investing time into an issue we had that would come up again and again if I didnt deal with it then. It is so easy to sweep things under the rug in our relationship; to think, "I'll deal with it later. I'm busy right now, I have plans". 

Lakota is not the best horse and I do not pretend to be the best trainer. But we are partners right now. I could have whipped her when she became obstinate in the arena. I just put her energy to work. I kept myself safe and went on with a lesson.

Lakota teaches me to be a better person. I practice patience, kindness and loyalty with her. I get frustrated, I get tired. Those are the times I refrain from communicating with her through training. The same goes for relationship. There are times when we should count to ten or take a time out before we have a conversation. It does not mean that we avoid the conversation, it just means we calm down, think things over and present them respectfully with good intention. Reacting quickly, with sharp words that cut, is just like grabbing a whip and beating the horse when you dont get the response you want. It just makes the horse afraid and takes away that want to attitude. Being calm and consistent brings you closer together - with your lover or with your horse. Be flexible and adaptable. Think about the long term goal.