I was thinking about the quote "Behind every successful man is ...a woman." This thought came to me as I was walking behind my horse using long lines. I thought, well behind every winning horse is a ...trainer...or rider...
We shouldn't think of the first quote as a criticism. What is the purpose of a realtionship of it isnt to find support and comfort?
For non-horse owners, long lining is kind of like driving a horse and carraige without the carriage. The trainer walks behind or near the horse using two very long line that go from the trainers hands and attach to the bit in the horse's mouth. It can a precursor to driving a carraige or can be a way of safely getting horses through their fear of obstacles or anything that scares them. Being on the ground allows the rider to stay safer in unpredictable situations.
Ok, so on with this. I used this technique to get Lakota over her fear of mud and water. I am riding and long lining her over water repeatedly to instill her confidence. When she gets scared I can see her take a peek to make sure I am still behind her. I talk to her reassuringly. I coax her when she gets stuck. Once in a while, I take a short whip and persuade her to try another step. I only do this when I know she is no longer afraid, just distracted.
When our mate needs support, we can be there offering our reassurance and helping instill confidence. We dont want to add to the fear or force them into something that is against their will. It could be a career move, or an investment decision or a new location. We want to help our loved one get past their fear in order to be successful and happy. Sometimes when we get wallowing in our emotions or paralyzed by indecision, we do need a kick in the pants - in a kind way.
Someday Lakota may be eventing or competing in trail obstacles. Her fear of the water would hinder her progress. I can feel happy that I was behind her and helped her conquer her fear with a loving, yet strong hand. We can be that in our relationships, too.
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