Problem or inconvenience?

What is the difference between an inconvenience and a problem? A matter of degree, I suppose. In my mind, a problem you need to deal with and an inconvenience or annoyance you just tolerate until it gets to be a problem, if it ever does.

When I first bought Lakota she didn’t want to come when called. That was a problem. Running around a field to catch her was not my idea of a good time. So I took her into the round pen and very quickly she learned to come when called. We had to practice it a few times in different locations but the result was the same, she comes when called.

Right now, if we are just heading out for a trail ride, she moves off a few steps as I am getting on. That is annoying but to me it isn’t a problem. As soon as we get very far she no longer has the urge to move off ahead of me. She gets crabby if I want to ride and it is feeding time. That is annoying. Sometimes she gets goofy when I put the saddle on or off the right side. That is annoying. If she wanted to buck, now that would be a problem. If she wanted to run away with me, that would be a problem.

To me, if I am going to get badly hurt, that is a problem. If there is a problem, I like to get it solved as soon as I can, so that Lakota and I can go back to having a wonderful partnership. If I am doing something wrong, or not communicating what I want clearly, then I need to fix my side of the problem. I could have put a piece of equipment on her that doesn’t fit or is uncomfortable. She could not be feeling well or be hurting. I need to take all that into consideration when figuring out how to handle the problem.

I have a friend whose horse fights being bridled every day. He is extremely head shy. To me that is a problem that needs to be fixed before he hurts her badly. A head shy horse that catches anything on his ears on a trail ride - like a branch or clothing - could totally flake out in fear and toss her. But to her, it is an inconvenience. That is their relationship, not mine.

In our partnerships it very similar. We all do things differently. The proverbial tooth paste squeezing is a perfect example. If you have a real problem that is hurting you in your relationship, you need to speak up in order to fix it. You can’t expect your lover to be a mind reader. If it is an annoyance, understand that you probably just have a different point of view. Accept your lover for all their individual, unique characteristics. Make a decision and state it clearly. Our horse can’t guess what we want and neither can our spouse. Am I really going to get hurt with this behavior or am I just going to be picking up dirty socks?