Clear communication

I went to bed reading a reining book and this morning watched youtube videos on long lining/reining. The examples they used for the long lining was teaching the piaffe for dressage. How cool would that be? To have a horse that could rein and do dressage. Since I had today off for the 4th of July, I went out to see Lakota to practice some of my newly gained knowledge.

I had been trotting at a diagonal a couple days ago under saddle and thought we'd try that with the long lines. The trainer on the video said to use the reins on the horses side just like your leg. The reining book said the most important part of the training was to be able to create supple circles with just the right arc. I tried applying "leg" to her side and she sped up. I pulled on both reins to slow her down and we lost the circle. I used the voice commands that we have been practicing. That worked a little better. The lines were hard to gather up and keep from tangling around my legs. When I pulled on the inside rein to have her supple, I needed to hold the outside rein to keep the circle from getting smaller. Lakota is not used to all this contact. It did not look like the  video. She was not breaking at the poll or creating an arc in her neck.

I could feel my frustration mounting. I knew that I was not being clear and she had no idea what I wanted from her. Lakota was trying. I had to stop the whole situation and pet her and praise her. I had to take a mental step back.

I thought about how that happens in relationships. When we are trying to get an idea across to our mate, they can stare at us blankly. They may have no idea why we are having the emotions we are or looking at an issue from a certain perspective. We get frustrated because we think we are being perfectly clear. We can raise our voice or get read in the face or get all riled up. Our partner still doesnt know what we want.

We need to take a step back. A ten minute or even ten second break might be enough to rearrange our approach. Think about our mate. Are they trying to understand? Do we have their full attenion? If they are then cut them some slack. It could be us that is in needs of clarifying our desires. Sometimes all we want is a hug or a romantic gesture, yet we end up talking in circles about the trash, the laundry and the lawn. No wonder our mate is not responding to our cues, we  are applying so many aids, that he is confused.

I ended up taking Lakota back to where we were doing side passes and then we got our diagonal walk. I kept praising her for trying to figure out what I wanted. Our partner would love to hear from us, "I can see that you are trying to understand me and I am appreciative. I am just having a difficult time clarifying what I need. I'll try another way of saying it." How nice to hear that your efforts are being recongnized. How much more willing your spouse would be to continue listening.